A man was sitting in a bar ...

A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them.
When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign. The man thought that was great.
A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly. The bartender looked over and signed, "Now cut that out! I warned you!" and threw the group out of the bar.
The man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, "If I told them once I told them 100 times - NO SINGING IN THE BAR!"

http://www.unwind.com/jokes-funnies/drinkingjokes

Paddy was an inveterate ...

Paddy was an inveterate drunkard. The priest met him one day, and gave him a strong lecture about drink. He said, "If you continue drinking as you do, you`ll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you`ll turn into a mouse."This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night, and said to his wife, "Bridget....if you should notice me getting smaller and smaller, will ye kill that blasted cat?"

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/drinking-jokes

Sandy was drinking at a pub...

Sandy was drinking at a pub all night. When he got up to leave, he fell flat on his face. He tried to stand again, but to no avail, falling flat on his face. He decided to crawl outside and get some fresh air to see whether that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and, sure enough, fell flat on his face. So, being a practical Scot, he crawled all the way home.When he got to the door, he stood up yet again, but fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door into his bedroom. When he reached his bed, he tried once more to stand upright. This time he managed to pull himself to his feet but fell into bed. He was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.He woke the next morning to his wife shaking him and shouting, "So, ye`ve been oot drinkin` as usual!""Why would ye say that?" he complained innocently."Because the pub called an` ye left yer wheelchair there again!"

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/drinking-jokes

A dinner party of different nationalities ....

A dinner party of different nationalities had arrived at a restaurant. They each ordered a glass of wine, but when the wine arrived they noticed that each of the glasses had a fly in it.* The Swede demanded to have new wine in the same glass.* The Englishman demanded to have new wine in a new glass.* The Finn picked the fly out of the wine and drank the wine.* The Russian drank the wine, fly and all.* The Chinese ate the fly but left the wine.* The Jew caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese.* The Roman drank two thirds of the wine and then demanded to have new wine.* The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish for cod.* The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the wine, which he then donated to the Englishman.* The American sued the restaurant and claimed for a 65 million dollar compensation for mental suffering.* The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and roared: `Now spit out all that you swallowed!!`

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/drinking-jokes

We`ve got our own recipe ...

We`ve got our own recipe for Irish stew: Get some meat, some potatoes and a lot of Guinness Stout. Drink all of the stout. Forget about the stew.

Two farmers, Joe and Bob

Two farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbors, but didn't like each other much. In 1989, there was a period of -30 degree centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it. So they bet a bottle of vodka who can sit out on the window ledge the longest with a bare ass.
After two hours Bob's wife came home and asked Bob, "What are you doing?"
Bob explained and she said, "Come on... you will only freeze your ass off."
Bob refused as he wanted to win the bet.
Then his wife got an idea. "Let's change places when Joe is looking the other way."
Bob's wife put on the same kind of pullover and cap and traded places with Bob.
Half an hour later Joe's wife came home and asked him, "What are you doing?"
Joe told her and said, "I am determined to win the bottle!"
"You are crazy. Come on in."
"Certainly not, I am already on the winning side. Bob lost his balls half an hour ago!"

http://www.unwind.com/jokes-funnies/drinkingjokes 

Yesterday, scientists in the ...

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn`t drive.


http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/drinking-jokes